At-Home Sex Ed Learning: Geographers
Part 1: Supporting our 2-5 year olds in their readiness to learn
This is Part 1 of our At-Home Sex Ed Series. We're starting with our littles, but even if your kids are older this is an important way of helping us, as parent, understand how our kids' process information. The goal is to help you learn more about how you can answer their questions, when you should initiate conversations, and to provide a few ideas for how to take advantage of our time together at-home.
Geographers – Ages 2 to 5
These kids are characterized by their love of names and labels. They love to know where things are and what they’re called. Think about how often you hear “What’s that?” or “What’s this?” — or think about how many times a day you point at something and ask your toddler to tell you what it is. One of my favorite home videos of my daughter is her looking at a picture book and we were asking her to point to where certain things were…it’s 5 minutes of cuteness as she points to the yellow hat or the purple grapes. She was so excited to point at those pictures – it’s a great example of her brain’s love of labels!
If you are at home with a geographer during this time, maximize your time with their geographer brain. Here’s some things you can focus on during your at-home sex education:
1) Continue using proper names and labels for all of their body parts – or start if you have not done so already.
Geographers, both boys and girls, should know that boys have a penis and testicles and girls have a vagina and vulva. (Girls have a lot of parts to label, and you can certainly label them all if you would like, but at this age labeling an inside part and an outside part is most helpful.) They can also know that babies grow inside a uterus, not a belly or a tummy, but a special place in a woman’s body designed just to grow a baby. Check out my previous post for tips about getting your partner on board with these terms.
Tip: If you haven't been using these terms already, start casually. There's no need to have a big family meeting announcing the change in terminology. The next time your son is taking a bath, remind him to wash his penis. When you're changing your daughter's diaper, you can talk her through the process and tell her that you're making sure to clean her vagina and vulva. Do this each time they bathe or go to the bathroom, and eventually they will learn the proper names. Or when your children use a different term, you can repeat what they said using the correct term. "Mommy, she has a baby in her tummy." "Isn't that great?! She has a baby in her uterus!" OR "Mommy, look what my pee pee can do!" "Wow! Your penis is so cool!"
2) Help them understand the basics of “how babies are made” or “where babies come from.”
Geographers can know that it takes a man’s body and a woman’s body to make a baby. Regardless of how your baby came into your family (fertility treatments, adoption, fostering, etc.), it took a man’s body and a woman’s body to start that baby. This is a developmentally appropriate way of explaining, or starting to prepare them to understand, how babies are made. Geographers can even know that inside of a man’s body is something called sperm, and inside of a woman’s body is something called egg. And if the sperm and egg meet, sometimes the baby is made.
Many of your geographers will not be asking for this level of information, but there is no reason you can’t give it to them. It’s a perfectly appropriate way of labeling the necessary components to explain how babies are made. You are not overwhelming them with too much information, they are not ready to hear about the process or relationships… their brains just want to know things have a name and things have a place.
Tip: When your kids ask you "Where did I come from?" find out exactly what they're asking before you launch into details about sperm and egg. Simply ask them "What do you think?" to hear if they wanted to know how babies are made, or where they came from – like if they were born in a hospital or born in Minnesota. This is a great question to ask your kids at any age. It allows them to clarify what they really want to know, and it shows them that you want to have a conversation with them, rather than just answer their question.
3) Make a point to talk about/show healthy relationships!
In addition to teaching your kids about proper names and labels, another area to focus on in your at-home sex ed is the idea of healthy relationships. It’s really important that these kids know what it means to be a good friend, understand that sometimes our friends ask us to do things we don’t want to, know how to respond when that happens, feel confident in how to advocate for our own needs/desires, and have a clear understanding of what healthy relationships look and sound like.
Every time you’re reading a book or watching a show with your child, make a point to label the character who is being a good friend. Ask your child what they think it means to be a good friend, or if they’ve ever been in a similar situation as the character. The goal is to intentionally highlight relationships that your child will identify with, and point out traits of a good friend.
It’s important that kids know sometimes friends get in disagreements, sometimes friends are not the best role models, and sometimes we are in tricky situations with our friends. That’s real life! And they will understand that more and more as they get older. But, we also need them to know that their voice matters. We want them to start to identify with their instincts/inner voice, and then communicate that to people. We want them to recognize when, and how, to stand up for their beliefs and advocate for their needs…which can be really hard if it means going against what their friends are doing!
AT-HOME SEX ED IDEA
Read “Hunter’s Best Friend At School” (I think you can even find some videos of people reading this online.) It’s an age-appropriate book for your Geographer, and it’s full of lessons about being a good friend, talking to your parents about your feelings, trusting your inner voice, being a good role model, and standing up for what’s right. I love using this book as an example with Geographers!
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Final thought
Consistency is key! The more you use the proper terms with your kids, the more comfortable they will be using them. The more you talk about and show examples of healthy relationships, the more they will believe it. The more you talk with them on their level, and trust that they are ready to hear these words and get this information, the more they will trust that you are the one they want to come to with their questions.