Curriculum Concerns?
Things to consider before getting too worried about school sex ed programs
I was speaking to a group of moms last week, and had a really emotional conversation with one mom after the event. She was really concerned about the Sex Ed curriculum that her child’s school might adopt. In fact, she told me she was terrified. And I could tell it was weighing on her heart. I want to share with you some of the things I told her, in hopes they help you as well.
1. Take a breath.
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You hear me talk about this all the time, but we half to take a minute and breathe… As our girl T. Swift would tell us, we need to calm down. As parents, we let our anxiety get the best of us and it gets in the way of our ability to critically think. So first, take a breath. Before you get too worked up about the Sex Ed curriculum at your child's school, take a minute and reflect on what your emotions are really about. Are you worried that your child is not ready to learn about the topic? Are you worried your child’s peers will not be able to have a mature conversation about this? Do you not have trust in the teacher that will provide the information? Did you have your own bad experience that you are recalling? Are you feeling emotional that your child is growing up and is ready to learn about these things? Just take a minute and reflect on what your emotions are really about, then we can move on to some other steps.
2. Don’t fall prey to fear tactics.
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There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what children learn at school. There’s a video floating around, perhaps you have seen it, warning parents that their early elementary children will be taught about anal sex with a new Sex Ed curriculum. The video is scary! But it’s also not accurate – and it’s using fear tactics to get you emotionally invested in the topic. Here are some rules about how to process that kind of information:
A. Consider the source. Is the source a non-bias credible organization sharing information about the curriculum? If not, see if you can find information from the source of the curriculum. How do they describe it? Try to find reviews from the opposing view. You don’t have to agree or like the opposing view, but you should be informed on their perspective of the material.
B. Is your school actually considering that curriculum? I talk to so many parents who are worried about a curriculum that their school would never use. I absolutely want you to be invested and knowledgeable about the Sex Ed curriculum at your school, but I don’t want you to spend your time worrying about a curriculum they will never use. Find out what they are using, and redirect your energy to learning more about that one.
3. Talk to the school!
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You have every right to know and understand what your children are being taught at school. And you can inquire about it as early as you want - even if your child isn't in elementary school yet (you wouldn't be the first parent to do it, trust me.) Send an email and ask what curriculum the school uses for Sex Ed. They will answer! You can also ask to get a copy of the curriculum, or stop in and view it. They will share it with you – they have to! Just make sure you do this respectfully, though. Give them time to respond and give yourself time to look over the material before you react. Respectfully asking to know and understand what the material your child will be taught is your right! Also, please make sure you read the whole curriculum, and understand what will be taught at the different levels. What most of us consider to be “Sex Ed” is taught in about 5th grade. So your kindergartner will not be given that information. Remember that.
4. Trust educators!
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Teachers love children – your child’s teacher loves your child. They don’t have a personal agenda for what they want your child to know about sex and sexuality; they truly are not pushing their personal beliefs or political agenda on your child. They want your child to have an amazing education, and they care enough about your child to make sure that happens. If you do not trust a particular teacher, and worry they are not fit to discuss this material with your child, have that conversation with an administrator or principal. But if you remember that teachers are human, they love children, and they have spent years learning and practicing how to teach these lessons, I think it will be easier for us to feel good about the Sex Ed curriculum at schools. It will be taught by adults, who have real feelings and real emotions, and care about giving your child good, accurate, helpful information.
5. Remember the curriculum is for all children – not just yours!
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If you are reading this, you are likely a parent who is invested in your child’s education and you have a desire to talk with your child about sex and sexuality. But remember that not all parents are like that! A lot of parents will never talk to their children about these issues. And those children have a right, and a need, to learn about it! And our schools have a responsibility to make sure those children get access – good and accurate access – to that information. So, you might not like the curriculum, or you might have some complaints about it, but remember that it is not just for your child, it is for every child.
And trust me, you want every child in those classes to get the information. You don’t want your child in high school with a bunch of teenagers who never learned about sex, who never learned how to get or how to prevent pregnancy, or what behaviors can lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections. Rather, you want your child to be in high school with kids who are educated and informed, kids who have learned this information and understand what it means for their life. So yes, that means we need to make sure they all had access to this information when they were younger.
6. If you don’t like it, pull your kid out of the curriculum!
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If I’m being honest, I hope you do not do this. I trust our educators, and I trust our children. I want my kids learning this information with their peers, so they know and understand their peers have heard the same information, and so they get access to good information at an early age. But if after reviewing the curriculum, talking with educators, and taking time to think about your real feelings, you decide the curriculum is not right for you and your family, then you have a right to pull your child out of the curriculum. And you don’t need to feel upset about that. It’s your right and your privilege. Remember – it’s not just for your child, it’s for every child. So let the school teach the other children about the topic, and you can pull your child out and make sure that you are educating your child with a curriculum you value.
But also remember, the Sex Ed curriculum is important because it’s teaching the beginning stages of consent, helping young people critically think about different kinds of relationships, think about what decisions they want to make for their own bodies, and it can be an important tool in helping children who are or will be victims of sexual abuse. We aren’t always going to be with our kids, and as they get older they will need to know and understand this information without us around. Having Sex Ed in school is one way kids get an early opportunity to think about these topics away from us, and start developing their own critical thinking and decision-making skills.
Final thought
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Sex Ed in schools is really important! And you have a right to know and understand what it involves. But as always, I think you have the opportunity to be more important than a curriculum – you can be the primary sex educator in your kids’ lives. You can shape what they know and how they learn it, and you can include your values and discussions about sex and sexuality when the schools might not be able to. So, do the work and continue talking with your kids about sex. This way, when they do have Sex Ed at school, you can be confident that your child will hear it and think “I already know this, my mom has already told me about this, but I’m really glad that my friends are learning about it now too.”