It's actually pretty amazing. Period.
Q U E S T I O N
How do I talk to my kids about my period? I never get any alone time in the bathroom, and my 5-year-old is starting to ask questions when it’s that time of month.
— Jill
A N S W E R
This isn't exactly what you were thinking when you dreamed of parenthood, right? We never imagined changing a tampon with a child staring right at us, and having to answer questions about it!
Periods are awkward and uncomfortable, and talking about them can be the same way. But it can also be an important opportunity to help your kids know, understand, and appreciate bodies. Think about your child’s developmental stage in order to answer their questions or talk to them about menstruation. Are they a geographer or a manufacturer?
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For your geographer (ages 2-5ish), remember it’s all about the names and labels. He can hear the word ‘period.’ And he can hear the word ‘tampon.’ Those are real words with real meanings, and it’s perfectly appropriate for your child to hear them. Most geographers will simply be satisfied with you labeling what’s going on. You can tell your child that one of the cool things about your body is that you get something called a period and it’s something that only happens to women.
You can easily explain that it means your body bleeds a little bit, but it does not mean you’re hurt – it’s just one of the amazing things your body does! You can also say that in order to make sure the blood does not get on your pants, you use something called a tampon or a pad (depending on what you use or what they see in your bathroom). For many geographers, they are already bored with this conversation and what you’ve shared. But regardless, you satisfied their curiosity by giving them a name for what is happening, you reassured them you were not hurt, you promoted body positivity by saying how amazing it is that your body does this, and you reinforced the culture of conversation you’re building in your home by answering the question in the moment.
I would always follow up by asking if they have more questions (most geographers will not) but it’s a great reminder that you’re willing to chat with them.
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Manufacturers (ages 6-9ish) will want a little bit more, but manufacturers are not as likely to be in the bathroom with you when this happens. Usually by the time they reach that age, they aren’t quite as needy and give us a little more space. Although, I was in a public family bathroom when my manufacturers saw the tampon dispenser on the wall and asked what it was. They weren’t asking about me specifically, but we were all in the bathroom together and we all saw it so we all had to talk about it. These conversations can happen anywhere and anytime!
Manufacturers will have more questions about what a period is, but a lot of them will not feel comfortable asking them. So take advantage of any opportunity they give you! At this age, you want to make sure you add to the conversation.
Share that your period is something that started when you went through puberty, and that it’s very normal, and all girls go through it. (With the rare exception of course). Eventually, your manufacturers should know that every month your hormones cause your body to develop a lining of the uterus, and your body gets ready for an egg and sperm to attach and grow into a baby. Every month that your body doesn’t get pregnant, that lining breaks down and sheds (bleeds). If you still have their attention, you can go on to say that this process starts happening when you're younger so your body can prepare to get pregnant later in life.
The whole process is really hard for kids to understand, but the point you’re trying to make is that it’s a biological process and your body does it all on it’s own – which is pretty amazing if we think about it!
Follow up question: What if my kids never ask about this? When should I tell them?
If you happen to have kids who give you a lot of privacy in the bathroom, or you don’t get a period, then this conversation is not likely to come up until your kids are older. Manufacturer level children should know what a period is. If you have an old manufacturer (third or fourth grade) you want to make sure they know what it is. Both boys and girls.
The average age a girl gets her period is 12. That’s the average, which means many girls will get it earlier than that. And you want to make sure your kids are ready for when that happens. You want your daughter to know what’s coming, and you want her to know what’s happening to her friends if they get it first. You want your son to be informed so that he’s not the jerk laughing about a girl’s tampon that fell out of her bag, or blood that got on her pants.
One way to initiate these conversations is to use a tampon commercial, or walk through the tampon aisle at Target. Next time you have to pick up a prescription, just take a shortcut through the tampon aisle and use the opportunity to say “Oh, walking down this aisle made me think about how I’ve probably never talked to you about what a period is. Do you know what that is or what any of these products are? We don’t need to talk about it right now, but I should probably tell you about it because it’s something you should know.” Then, plan a time with them to follow up on that conversation.
Final Thought
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Our bodies do amazing things, and we have a great opportunity to frame menstruation as something amazing that happens, instead of something gross and awkward. There’s nothing wrong with getting a period, and our kids should be informed about what it is and what we do when it happens.
Use these conversations to remind your kids that you love how smart their brains are and that they are thinking about this, and that they want to ask you about this stuff. Remind them you will always answer their questions and you will always tell them the truth, but that not every parent is ready to talk about this with their kids so they should come back to you if they have more questions, rather than going to their friends or siblings.